The Pitchfork 500: Just about as Boring as the Indy 500.

 

yawn.

yawn.

Except there are no cars and loud noises to keep ones’ critical reasoning from getting in the way.  Here we have the erstwhile attempts of a few unshaven hipsters at a real piece of literature; something they can say will last a little longer than the typical blog post.  That is to say, this book will be purchased, for money, by people who are interested in hearing what Pitchfork deems “the Greatest songs from Punk to the Present.”

And, what do they have to say?  I don’t have my review copy (Their PR lady doesn’t seem to want to get back to me), so I’ll just mercilessly pick apart their blog post about it.  In their words, The Pitchfork 500 is

an alternate history of the past three decades of popular music– one that extends beyond the typical Baby Boomer-approved canon of the Clash, Prince, Public Enemy, Nirvana, Radiohead, and Outkast.

Fair enough; I was sick of The Clash anyway.  Who needs ’em?  Who will our new arbiters of high culture usher in to the now-vacant throne over which Western culture will be surveyed with a cautious and pragmatic eye?  

From art-rock and proto-punk godfathers such as Brian Eno, Iggy Pop, and David Bowie to today’s leading lights such as the Arcade Fire, the White Stripes, and Kanye West…Interspersed throughout are sidebars on the most vital subgenres from electro to grime to riot grrrl, along with pieces like “Career Killers: The Songs That Ended It All” and “Runaway Trainwrecks: The Post-Grunge Nadir.”

Well, let me just get this out of the way:  Don’t use my fucking word.  I refuse to believe that ‘Nadir’ will be bastardized like so many other words and beaten into an utterly uninteresting pulp by the blog-o-sphere.  Let alone be used in the same volume that claims Kanye West is the apotheosis of Western culture, much less a ‘leading light’.  Bah, humbug!

 

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